Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize