see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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