i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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