He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
