I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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