I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
