Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
