she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
ttyl tear gas
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
