I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
