remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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