we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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