So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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