My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
