i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
