in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
