A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
