failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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