You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
