you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
