You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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