I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
