i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
