a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
