Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
