So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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