Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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