Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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