i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
