wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
