Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
