yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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