Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize