The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
