When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Be still, my beating vagina.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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