All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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