Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
