he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
