thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You made out with two different species that night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
