I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Randomize
