I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
