I looked at my own cervix.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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