remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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