I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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