I haven't been this sober since birth.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
