Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
