I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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