Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
