just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
