i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
