My Higher Power is John Stamos
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
