I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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