it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize