are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
