I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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