And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
