It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
