NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
