Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize