I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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