jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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