Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
