I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
