i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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