a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
