when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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