He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize