): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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