I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
