i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We need a shit load of segways right now
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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