we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
