As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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