Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
