I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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