oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
