You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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